Letting Your Identity Evolve and Flourish

Turning The Page

This March marked the end of a chapter for me. I left my career as a housing professional after quarter of a century. That’s a long time to be doing something!

I have left jobs before, but this time felt different because it wasn’t just the job I was leaving behind; it was my career, and, as I realised in a panic one day, a significant part of my identity.

I had thought through and rationalised some of the more concrete concerns. Things like the safety net of a regular salary, the familiarity of the work, colleagues, employee benefits. All the things that comes with paid employment. But this was a deeper unease that knocked me sideways; the question of who I was without my professional label.

Personal Identity

Simply put, our personal identity, or sense of self, is how we see ourselves in our lives, our work, our community and family. It is a is a complex tapestry woven from the places and cultures we are born in to. As we grow older we find other aspects of our identity for ourselves too through our work, relationships and experiences.

It’s a continually evolving story we are constantly writing and rewriting, brought together to create the ‘self’.

This self is fairly stable concept that changes slowly. This lets us have a good grasp of who we are, what our preferences are and what we and others expect of us. It makes it easier to live our lives in a coherent way that makes sense to us, with a blueprint to base our decisions and choices on.

Growth and Change Can Feel Uncomfortable

My career was a key thread through this narrative of self. I based my sense of purpose and accomplishment on it, it fitted with my values and I was good at it! It was central how I thought of myself and how I presented myself to others.

I hadn’t quite realised that in order to step into a new role I would have to let go of the old!

Stepping into the unknown can be scary. I was used to the title of ‘housing professional’, it rolled off the tongue easily. To call myself a ‘coaching psychologist’ or even a ‘self-employed business owner’ felt clumsy and unfamiliar. It was like trying on a new outfit that didn’t quite fit yet.

Widening Our Window Of Tolerance

Fear is a powerful force. It’s tempting to retreat to the safety of the known. The familiar feels reassuring and safe but growth lies outside our comfort zone. So how do we step into that?

It takes self-compassion. Firstly to recognise the unease we are feeling and stay with that, and secondly, to know we will be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes, which we are bound to when trying something new.

This is why being kind to ourselves makes it much easier to embrace a growth mindset. It helps us navigate change with curiosity and resilience instead of fear and judgement. It gives us the self-belief in our ability to learn and adapt.

It takes courage to make changes, but self-compassion is the safety net that allows us to learn, knowing we will catch ourselves if we fall. With this kindness to ourselves we can widen our window of tolerance to the unknown.

Building Greater Authenticity

For me, this transition has been a journey of self-discovery. Old insecurities have resurfaced, and I have needed to reevaluate some of my beliefs and the resulting behaviours with fresh eyes.

Much of what we adopt as our identity is shaped, especially in our early years, by external factors like our families and our culture. But as we mature, we have the opportunity to reassess some of these inherited personas and seek out our more authentic selves. We can begin to align our actions with our core values. My new path reflects my values more deeply than ever before.

As a coach this is the kind of work I have the privilege to work on with clients, and so reflecting on the experience has been so useful for understanding the doubts and fears that it brings up.

Identity As A Garden

As the year unfolds, so too does my new sense of self. I remind myself there are many different aspects to my identity, not just my work. I am a spouse, a mother, a friend, a coach, a daughter, a sister, a neighbour. I am a multifaceted individual, who is slowly, but continually evolving.

Identity is like a garden. Some plants are inherited, others are carefully cultivated, some drifted in and took root without us really noticing. There's room for both the structured and the wild. And as the garden matures, it becomes a haven for life, a place of beauty and abundance.

For me, this year has been the beginning of a new chapter, and I'm excited to see what blooms.